I am having flu today.
22th round the valentine's day for me, nothing much different from the past, still no one there to date me out, nor has anyone there stand by to be with me. I m again, too shame to tell that I still stay alone in this round of valentine and so I just pray for to have no one asks me about that.
I dont know how long will this kind of valentine be last for, next year? or going to be every year in my life? too terrible but somehow could be. I dont wish so but what if it is the fact? ... I m not really pessimistic born but just defeated by the reality.
I have never been approaced before, nor dare I to go after anyone I m interested in. I m not too ugly to be come to, but still there is no one to come to me. I totally have no idea of what da hell is going on to me, what I can do is just to stay dissappointed.
There are some gals, neither they are pretty nor seductive, nor any achievements done by them to be admired, there are just so many flies and bees surrounding them, and somebody willingly to do everything to them. It does not make sense to me at all but the explanation of destiny.
I seem to be born to stay alone, I can do nothing nor I dare to do anything with that. I just feel that I want to stay far from everyone, dont want to let anyone knows what I am depressed for, and what I am truely care for ... just feel that it is too shame to be known. Yea,... being in this way will never make me feel better, but if having this to be told will probably make me feel worse.
I have no idea of how to release myself but to distract my focus to somewhere else most of the time. Crying may be the only temporary panadol for me but better than none.
